I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
