the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize