I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I supernannyed him into submission
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
