he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
