She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
