So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
