Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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