I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
