I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
