my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize