Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
