dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm passing your future prison.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
