he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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