pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
