May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
