I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
