You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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