First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Alive.
So much puke
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
