I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
