im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
