he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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