You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
