k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
