I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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