Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have aggressive nipples.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
