In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
