It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
