I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
