My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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