and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
