Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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