She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
