i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
