im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
