Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
