from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
