i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
