So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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