Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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