if we break up, who will get the dealer?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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