Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
