i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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