i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
