Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can't special order awesome
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Holy sore nipples Batman
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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