Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
