Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
