Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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