i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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