Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize