if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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