having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
