somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
