Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
