If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
