is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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