hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
