New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
