You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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