So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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