We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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