At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
