plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
