I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
