i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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