I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
