SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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