I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
