the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
