he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize