Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize