that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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