Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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