umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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