Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
