is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
