1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
