I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
